Sunday, August 1, 2010

Vintage Cult Madness: PART 2


Now we’re getting to the good stuff…
In this movie we’re met with some young rich guy who works for *INSERT BIG COMPANY HERE* and after someone in the company gets a promotion there is a lavish party. Just like any other lavish party there is booze, and LOTS of it. At one of the tables we see the main character talking with some blonde chick who is obviously hitting on him, even though she’s at the party with someone else, who is too drunk to care as he stares off to some other woman.  After asking the blonde what she wanted to do she proceeds to tell him “Let’s go out.” This happens quite a few times even after they are out and about. They find their way to some other shin-dig, which looks like it takes place at a whore house, and eventually make it back to the woman’s house with a scene that hints at them getting it on.
Here we get a time change apparently, as we see the guy playing bridge with another guy and two women, where we find out the person on his right is his fiancĂ©. Of course, that night they get married suddenly for $2 and then fuck like bunnies. The next day at work the blonde chick from the other night asks for the big shot to come by because she has news. So in a hurry he goes to the blondes’ apartment where she tries to explain what happened. Although, she’s a bit too subtle about it leaving the viewer wondering what the fuck she was babbling about? IS SHE PREGNANT? Oh of course not…
Apparently it’s not that, but an STD. Not just any STD though, but syphilis. After some more of her random psycho babble about the guy not believing her, he heads out the door to be stopped in his tracks by a gunshot sound, and the nurse looking over her the WHOLE TIME telling the guy that she’s dead. HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET THE DAMN GUN WHEN THE NURSE HAS BEEN WATCHING HER CONTINOUSLY!!! We then see him being questioned by the police there about what happened, but the way the detective was talking to him there’s no wonder they call them dicks.
Back at work the next day or whenever, his friend from the other night, which we find out that he is a doctor, tells him that his wife is sick and has syphilis. He rushes to the doctor’s office to get himself checked out, but of course we know what has already happened. Now knowing what he did to his wife by fucking around, the doctor shows him to each of his rooms almost like some sort of circus freakshow showing off all the other patients that have it only to end up reuniting with his syphilitic wife who passes out on the ground. While the bitch is knocked the fuck out, the doctor talks to him about being able to get treatment for it.
Finally, back at home, the husband falls asleep on the couch and the wife back in bed, but it’s not for long before she wakes up and walks to the kitchen to turn on the gas stove, and close all the doors and windows. DOES EVERY FEMAIL THAT ENDS UP WITH AN STD OFF THEMSELVES AFTER A DAY? Anyways, after the gas bit she lays down on the floor next to her hubby who then awakens to the smell of gas and tells the bitch off as he opens every window and door he can. The wife, still being an emo twat, keeps telling him to stop trying to stay alive ending with a BAAAAW filled bit with them on the floor.
During the ending, we’re met with a stupid scene at the end of her pregnant friend calling her and asking if it was okay that she ate a pickle, and the syphilitic couple laughing about it. That scene was by far the most pointless to the whole thing. Now I know I didn’t put up any jokes to go along with this summary, mostly because unlike the other DVD this one actually was more entertaining. Don’t know if it was Edgar G. Ulmer’s directing or what, but this one was a lot more serious. That’s right… THE GUY THAT DIRECTED “THE BLACK CAT” DID A MOVIE ABOUT SYPHILIS. My mind = blown.


This one is just a short about the srsness of Syphilis. Did they not have any other types of VD back in this time or something? All they talk about is Syphilis. Not the herps, not AIDS, NOTHING. Where’s the good stuff? The stuff that makes you bleed when you pee.
We’re met with an opening scene of some high-schoolers hanging outside of a movie theater, and they see some hotties pass by. Of course they follow, and I’m assuming they fuck like mad. Eventually we see one of those guys at school ogling over some chick in his class. They eventually go on a date which ends with them fucking in the backseat of some awesome car. (Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same thing if they had a car like that.) The following scene is pretty hilarious as we’re met with the couple post-coitus. The guy is all depressed looking, and the woman looks like she’s a rape victim trying to get her hair straightened up while telling herself “This didn’t happen”.
Back at school you see the two playing keep-away in the halls everytime they pass by each other, and eventually he goes to the doctor about some sores in his no-no zone. Of course, the doctor asks him if he’s been with anyone else since his movie theater incident. The boy says no, but of course the kid is a bad liar as he made it plain as fucking day that he slept with someone else. So the doc in not so many words tells him that he should tell the other person about it.
Back at school again, the two are still playing keep-away and the boy doesn’t tell her anything. Then it suddenly cuts to another scene back in the doctor’s office this time the boy is by himself. At this point I was hoping he never told the other chick about it, but of course he did since we then see her and the doctor coming back into the office. The movie ends after the doctor explains to them that there is treatment.
This one was actually 20 times better than the previous one since it got to the point about safe sex, and if someone does have syphilis and you contract it that there are some ways to cure it.


Don’t fuck around behind your fiancĂ©/wife
All women with syphilis kill themselves. PERIOD!
Even Edgar G. Ulmer can have his off day, or in this case… Film
Blonde chicks are crazy… Not in the good way
Sex in a car = rape
Kisses kill too

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