Monday, August 2, 2010

Vintage Cult Madness: PART 3


As you all probably expected this movie is all about Syphilis. It’s funny that they never mention any other STD like gonorrhea, or the herpes.
Anyways this movie starts off like the others with a text scroll of some of the story, and eventually you meet an old man looking at a newspaper column about sex, and as you soon learn this whole town basically runs off of the talk about syphilis. Anyways, the old couple is against the younger generation to going out and doing whatever it is they do (FUCK), because everyone knows that when you’re kids go out with friends they are actually having a lot of unprotected sex. Overhearing their conversation is their son (I’m assuming) who is alright with people just going out and having a good time. Obviously butthurt over what the old couple was talking about he leaves in a hissy fit.
This next bit is completely pointless. It just shows two chicks which are most likely lesbians talking about the article and saying they want to go see some stripper at a burlesque show. Now what is surprising to me is that during the show the lesbians are literally feeling each other up. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve seen an old film with lesbians in it. Note, we still haven’t seen the main character that this movie follows yes, so I’m just going to skip ahead to where we meet her.
Backstage after the show, we meet a couple of the dancers hanging out and talking about some party after the show. The blonde party pooper is being pressured into going by her work friend. She continues saying no because of a doctor’s appointment in the morning. After about 10 minutes of this monotony the camera cuts away to a group of guys hanging around outside of the entrance for the dancers. Obviously these guys are the ones for the party since we hear them talking about the dancers looking sexy, etc. Eventually all the guys and their corresponding “dates” walk off to the party as the party pooper goes home, and we get a random scene of some guy eyeing her as she walks by with some creepy rape face going on.
Back at the party, we see each of the couples hanging out and drinking. Not a lot of drinking, but enough to make it casual, and a lot of flirty behavior like whispering in each other’s ear, and eventually making out. One by one, each couple goes off for some “fun”, by fun I obviously mean fuck.
Now, throughout this movie it continuously shows this scene of some congressman or someone else important like that talking about running a campaign, and his key point in all of it is about STDs and how he’s going to slow the rate at which it spreads. So does that mean he’s going to physically go up to each couple that’s about to get busy and break them apart? I mean honestly what the FUCK does this guy think he’s going to do? “No worries about drugs, and alcohol, or even crimes like breaking and entering or carjacking… Nooooooo The main issue here is STDs because they cause all of that…” BULLSHIT!  There is no damn point to these bits at all, but later we find out that the party pooper’s fiancé is this silly twat’s son.
We eventually get treated to a scene of the party pooper at a doctor’s office (Which I’m assuming is her shrink), as she talks about her past. This entire flashback reminded me of “A Hell is a Place Called Hollywood” since it pretty much acted the same way. The party pooper won a beauty contest and left her fiancé behind as she moves to a different town. The party pooper eventually meets up with a talent agent who basically tells her to lift her skirt up like some skanky ho just to see how she looks, before hitting on her. It’s basically all a back story about how she became a burlesque dancer. Eventually, she gets invited to a party by her talent agent so she can meet more people, and one of the guys continuously hits on her. Even knowing full well she has a fiancé back at home, she goes along with it and I’m assuming date-raped with the earliest form of date-rape drug (alcohol) until she sleeps with the guy. I never knew chicks were so easy… It only took her one glass of champagne to disrobe and do the nasty.
We cut back to the doctor’s office and the doc tells her that she can’t marry her fiancé and proceeds to show her around the hospital at all of his circus freaks. By which now we learn that she came down with a case of the syphilis. The doctor asks her to stay at the hospital for a month to get treated, the woman obviously tries to get out of it but upon realizing that she can’t really get treated any other way she goes for it. After that month the party pooper eventually gets out and is now supposed to see an in home doctor until she’s fully cured and allowed to marry. While she’s back at home she never tells anyone about how she had syphilis, so her parents have no clue nor her fiancé.
Obviously some time passes again as we see another scene at a different doctors office, and the doctor gives her the okay to get married, but she’s still not in the clear yet as she has a few months left of treatment. The doctor tells her there is another form of treatment (that I’m assuming is experimental) and should last no more than 30 days and she’ll be completely cured. Of course she goes along with it and we’re treated to quick scenes of her getting married and having a kid.
One day in the newborns room, the party pooper and her mother notice the kid has blue lips, and a quick couple of scenes of the hubby at work slowly going blind. They eventually all go to the doctor and it seems each one of them has syphilis. The wife freaks out thinking that she caused it, but we learn while the wife was away he was at a burlesque dancer party (yes, the same one as we saw before), and got lucky (or unlucky) when he found out he was the proud owner of a brand new syphilitic penis, but of course he never got it checked out.
Back at home the hubby is in bed obviously really sick and asks his wife for something to drink. The wife knowing she has the syphs again does what every woman does in these films… Tries to pull a suicide along with a murder, as she pours two glasses of a brown bottle labeled “POISON” and is about to hand one to her husband but is stopped by a phone call. It was one of her dancer friends telling her that she’s cured now, and they start laughing. THE END. What kind of shit ending was that? He’s still thirsty… Did she tell him that she was going to kill him? Did she still hand him the poison liquid? No one will ever know… Which makes me sad. I wanted to see fuckers puke up their stomach lining.

BONUS: Male & Female Hygiene.


Think of being back in school and watching a sex ed video. This was exactly it. It covered both men and women. Nothing to say really.


Nothing at all like the previous video. It had nothing to do with hygiene really. It was mostly “if you’re a female you shouldn’t drink so much or you’ll get raped”, along with some “Be sure to clean your snatch” bits filled with lots of talk about pus.


Again: If you have syphilis you should kill yourself.
If you’re living in a town where the governor only cares about STDs more than crime… You might want to get the fuck out… QUICK!
If your newborn has blue lips then it’s a 99% chance that it’s syphilis… Fuck choking.
Creamy dick cheese is not to be eaten on crackers. Unless your fucked up and into that sort of crazy shit.
If you don’t want a dirty snatch shove in a whole bar of soap.

No comments:

Post a Comment