Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Vintage Cult Madness: FINAL


Again we have another wall of scrolling text to read. This one is more like a PSA since we have a disembodied voice explaining the story. The text and voice talks about how people are smoking “Tea” or “Tomatoes” (Which is another word for ‘marihuana’… Yeah it’s spelled differently back then).
The opening scene takes place in a malt shop, and we meet Marky sitting at the bar table, but not for long as he casually gets up and walks to a phone booth slipping in 3 fags of marijuana into the coin return, and waits around for a teen at a table to come up to him, and pay him for the drugs. Eventually, we see the kids in a car getting so stoned it makes you think it’s laced with something, and we see them drive off and getting into an accident. All of them died except for one who now has no legs which was shown to us by some funny clip of the living one being rolled out on a gurney and the mother reaching to grab a covered leg to give it a pat only to find that surrounding area completely empty. Cut to a police station in the detective’s office where he decides that he’ll try to pose as one of the kids in the cool crowd and goes off to the malt shop, and looking for the dealer, but of course the dealer never shows up.
Eventually we see a clip of some burlesque dancers hanging out after the show when the dealer shows up and calls one of the dancers over, and slips her a spliff and tells her to get a party together at her place. Of course she does just that, and we’re treated to a scene of everyone having a good time that makes me think that they were doing more than weed. I mean if you’ve done weed then you know what I’m talking about. Sure you’d get a little goofy, but not so much like you were on PCP or coke. While everyone is busy being one of the cool kids, the chick who the dealer has his eye on is trying not to participate, but after some much added peer-pressure she obviously starts smoking one. However, she’s not doing it right (she was inhaling), so her friends show her how to do it with both hands. After the chick finally got stoned enough the dealer convinces her to work for him so she can pay for her brothers college classes. So far she seems like a pretty nice sister even though she ends up going for selling pot to pay for her brother to go through college. Speaking of which, in the morning, the brother comes home to visit, and proceeds to kick out the passed out occupants, and we get a talk between brother and sister. It seems as though ‘little Timmy’ doesn’t want to go to college because he knows that it’ll be hard for her to get the money. Doing the “smart” thing she tells him that he can go to school because she has “another job”. At least she didn’t let the cat out of the bag.
The following day we meet Marky and his supplier talking. The supplier obviously doesn’t feel like getting raped anytime soon as he talks about cutting bad deals with kids. Obviously he’s talking about the kids that were in the car accident since Marky basically said that it’s a price to pay to get the money they need. His supplier has no clue that the cops are already on the lookout for dealers. After this scene we watch a scene full of hardcore acid trips with spinning… Well… Not sure what is spinning, but it sure is shiny. If I was on acid and watched this part I’d probably learn the meaning of life. Anyways, it just seems to be a scene of the blondes life going down the shitter as she goes to a bunch of these parties and always getting stoned, which eventually leads to her getting fired from work and her Russian accented boss to tell her to not excite him as she goes out the door.
Marky meets up with the blonde the day she lost her job and wonders why she’s there so early, so she tells him about her getting fired. Marky takes this opportunity to tell her that she now has a job. So she hosts a party at her place selling ‘tomatoes’ to the people having a good time, but before selling them she tells them all it’s to pay for her brothers college stuff… Is she trying to convince herself that she’s doing good by saying all of that out loud? It’s a waste a time… Which is exactly what Marky tells her before she goes about selling it, but of course they’re rudely interrupted by her brother coming home… AGAIN! You’d think that maybe she’d learn about with her brother. He walks in the door randomly AND that people on weed act like they are on acid, so you don’t want them to wander off… Regardless, the brother proceeds to take her box of pre-rolled goodness and toss them to the floor even though he was witness to the speech from earlier. Marky didn’t want to put up with this shit and hands him some cash to go to the malt shop and hang out. Which we find out that he doesn’t do. Instead he decides to hang out in the garage… With a rope around his neck. Why the hell would anyone off themselves because their sister is dealing dope? This to me honestly has nothing to do with the effects of marijuana. This is more of a depression PSA or something.
Back at the cop shop they read the article about the kid killing himself and somehow put together that it had to be the pot that caused all of it… I’m not even going to point out how far-fetched that is… and the chief sends out the detectives to follow them all around. Eventually one of the detectives watches as Marky is picked up by one of his dealer friends, but while following him one of his tires goes flat and he loses him. With the way this movie is going it was most likely caused by weed. One of the detectives “accidentally” gets into Marky’s place, and “accidentally” finds evidence about how they receive the supply. Now if they ever get to court they are “accidentally” going to be let out free because someone “accidentally” fucked up and got evidence illegally. Regardless, the cops get the okay to arrest the dealers. The supplier figured out something was going to go down and tells Marky that he’s going to Arizona for a bit while leaving the blonde behind. This eventually leads to her getting arrested at one of her dealing parties.
At the cop shop again we watch her being questioned about the whereabouts of all the people. She doesn’t tell them anything, so they proceed to pull out files on all of them, and somehow even the supplier. How did they get pictures of these people if they were never caught? IT MAKES NO SENSE! Anyways, the blonde still doesn’t tell them anything. So the cops do what comes naturally… They show her before and after pictures of people on drugs that’s NOT weed. You know for this being a PSA against weed they don’t do a very good job at scaring people away from it. I should’ve made this film… I mean it’s pretty simple if the movie is about weed YOU DON’T SHOW PEOPLE ON OTHER DRUGS EXCEPT WEED! Unless of course, it’s the part of the movie where you say that it’s a gateway drug to other kinds of stuff, but even then… What isn’t a gateway drug? Eventually, the cops make it to the basement to show her what they just so happen to have down there all the time to scare the shit out of the druggies- A dead body. Why they have a dead body in the cop shop basement? Who knows…? What I do know is that it can’t be legal. Of course, the blonde is smart and keeps her mouth shut so they send her to jail where she gets stuck for around 3 months.
The disembodied voice comes back as we’re treated to another montage, but this time about her losing her mental stability as she goes on thinking about everything that has happened, which somehow leads her to going to the hospital. Eventually we watch her make it out of the place 3 months later with Marky waiting for her outside. Marky tries to get the blonde to start selling again, so she blows him off not without telling him that she’s going to have someone else do it in her place. So Marky leaves and she meets with the detective telling him about it, so he goes undercover which eventually leads to all of the people getting arrested after a boring fight.
I know I kind of condensed the ending, but that’s basically it. Just spread out over the span of 15 to 20 minutes. If this were a standalone movie and not a PSA I’d actually enjoy it, but since it’s meant to be a movie length PSA I FUCKING HATE IT! They really didn’t do a good job with scaring people away from weed. Honestly, it makes me want to have whatever hardcore shit they had. I have never experienced any weed in my life that made me trip out because it was just WEED it wasn’t laced with anything other than MORE WEED. All that ever happens is you get a little loopy, feel lazy, and eventually fucking hungry. Fuck this movie… I’m going out to get some weed.


Weed makes people not on weed kill themselves
Weed can cause one or all of you car tires to go flat
Weed can make you trip balls
Weed makes people who don’t belong on the road in the first place a death statistic
Weed is not related to other drugs
Weed was CHEAP back in the day
Smoking tea is fun

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